Shenzhen with Tafat
Yoga with Carol, a student and friend
Yoga? :)
My workmate and good friend, Music
Muni and Xingxing
Charity / Relief Work with Hearts Fusion
Getting to serve breakfast to my amazing Onkei
My Muni and Zebi
Charity / Relief Work
Lunch with Music
Shenzhen DaMeiSha
Laughing with Janet, always.
The best Israelis in the world :-)
Lamma Island, Hong Kong
Helen
Onkei at a wedding in her village
My Sichuan friend who talks to me with gestures
Winter meal with Janet
Long time no see, friends!
I am told that this piece has beauty and power, so with that encouragement, I bring you a bittersweet update. I want to become more serious in my writing as a craft. I can sense that I am entering a stage in which vulnerable, soul-bearing art will only bring good things. I hope my words speak to your spirits as others' writing often has to mine. Without further ado...
What is it like to be suddenly single after 10 years with the same partner, while living in a foreign country? Well, it is different. Betrayal stings regardless of place. But I suppose that any time someone is living away from family, they learn this lesson, that hard times reveal true friends more than ever. All you need is a sister, a mother, a dad around to love you in spite of what they saw coming, to make sure you get out of bed, to make sure you keep going to work, and to remind you that this is life- life contains hurt.
The most uncomfortable moments, the ones in which we cannot possibly hold it together, are the ones that make us compassionate, better beings in the end, if we let them. I have also seen these moments turn people into alcoholics and approval addicts. So I’ll try to be the former and not the latter.
What I have seen in these times, are that my Chinese and international friends are like a giant family. In every family, there are those who would prefer to share only the graduations, the reunions, and the holidays with you, and not the moments of challenge. And that is okay. Their silence hurts but it will be okay. Perhaps they are in their own struggles and cannot deal with those of another in that moment. Or perhaps you were never as close as you thought. But that’s okay. We are only able to be great friends to so many people.
I count myself as lucky to also have what every good family does- the members of my circles who have dropped everything for me, non-judgmentally listening, holding me, and calling me beautiful when my mascara has leached onto my powder pink dress, making me look like a zombie princess who got lost from her clan. This place has been so amazing to me; I do not want it to end.
However, in the moments after tragedy, the flight response is always on the mind. Still young, still beautiful, I’m told, go to Europe now and cut things off. Start a new chapter. I’m still planning, and hopeful, to go to Austria or Finland in a couple of years for my Masters. More on that later. But this place, China, is still so full of magic for me and mystery. My friendships are blooming into lifelong sisterhoods. My charity work is starting to mean something bigger for my career and my desires to do international development are growing every day. And funding is finally trickling over to that end.
In this moment, I feel so alive and connected to my dreams. And I want to explore so many more countries and cultures here in SE Asia. My next contract, starting in September, will have the vacation time and salary that will allow me to do all of that.
So, friends and family back home, take heart. I know many were shocked at my choice to be forgiving two years ago, but my god, have I grown since then. Perhaps it’s not the path everyone envisioned me on here, but learning to forgive and move on out of pure love two years ago is one of the best things I ever did. Now, learning to move on, eventually forgive, and live again as a single woman, is sure to grow me more yet. I know it is the right thing anyways, despite the wrongs done. The universe is leading me to good things.
Hold my hand
Walk with me, my love
This place is so far
Far from home
But we are so happy
We made it
We have known it all along
We would make it
Me and you, my friend
Dedicated to my Hakka sister, who knows each of these struggles and has walked with me each step.
©
Amanda Whitmore. Shareable with
author's written permission.
No comments:
Post a Comment