Soul, to brain, to voice.

You can’t fake it
You can’t fake into this, 

Into feeling good energy, where none resides.

“Fake it ‘til you make it.”
Trite phrases from childhood
Carried you so far, so long.
Never realizing,
They were the petroleum of emotional power
Finite and waning after 30 short years. 

Social climber.

You see them-

Walking balls of angst and pretension.
To remain, and one up with the Joneses,
It is impossible now.
The energy is all wrong
For that, you flee.
The longer you attempt,
Focusing on the goal,
The more the words invade
The front of your mind’s eye
You see them, and you know them to be true:
It is better to be genuinely nice,
Than genuinely rich.
Short simple characters-
Empathy, inclusion, and truth-
Are higher powers than
Than intelligence, superiority, and impressions of prestige.
Career climber.
You saw the renowned thought leader
The muse you thought a siren
Able to teach everything you need to know
To reach your goals
Only to realize
Behind the façade
Is a tiny person,
Seeking only validation
Solely available to those who may provide
Some immediate personal benefit.
Heart.
Be encouraged.

In every .org .com and .edu,

Every structure,

Tucked away,
There is a kind Grandpa
A quirky-but-always-right Aunty
Maybe less posh than Mx. Muse
But authentic as hell
Just as well-networked
Quite a bit wiser
And they actually care about you.
Forget the narcissist,
Enough prying apart their tight white knuckles
Gaze beyond your limited field of vision
Hours of old school proverbs,
Hard truths taught with love
Are waiting in the outstretched arms
Of generous sages.
You can’t fake into it
You can’t fake play along
With egoism and pretension that know no bounds
It is not in your composition
Let it go.
Graduate student.
Some discomforts are, of course,

Worthwhile.

Finish the banal calculations,

And you will have a paper.

Validating your skills,

And perhaps giving you a few tools

To bring you to your dreams.

Be wary, though, of those who paint it as more than it is,

It is not your identity, your confidence.

You are you outside of the microcosm which you occupy.

You can’t fake into it,

You can’t fake play along.

As if numbers in a system

Determine your love or hate

For the very person you are.

It is not in your composition,

Let it go.

Single girl.

You see him. 

And also him.  

Smiling side glances and good intentions.

Those suitors.

There roughly half the time.

Even that

Being

A gross exaggeration

Of the passion

They ever shared for you.

Giving and giving.

Efforts in vain.

Finding strength.

You walk away.

More will come,

Some attempt to cheer.

Why don’t you just pick one,

Make it work!

They say.

You realize a truth.

A truth that perhaps they won’t.

All the while,

You have been quite alright; you are happy,

Just the way you are.

Needless of fixing,

Of attachment.

The trees embrace you, from your root to theirs.

When you close your eyes,

Opening your palms gently,

The sun asks permission,

And it proceeds.

Gently filling your heart and core,

Warm energy seeping into your fingertips,

While you simply breathe.

Breathe in, you are here,

Breathe out, you are in the now.

No regrets of the past,

No fears of the future.

Here and now.

Defying logic,

You experience

A peaceful presence that is beyond understanding.

You can’t fake into it,

You can’t fake play along.

As if we are not all together

Already in our humanity.

Wholly enough, as members of this single universe,

Abundantly connected and complete

In this present moment.

It is not in your composition

To pretend you need more,

Let it go.

Thinkers.

It will all be okay

You don’t need to fake it

It is beyond your capacity to be fake

Slowly, gently, your eyes opening

Look and see,

This earth

Will never ask it of you.

In that reflection,

Close your eyes,

And rest.

You’re beautiful.

Soul, to brain, to voice.

Complete as you are,

Deliciously authentic.

Dedicated to Ute, on the occasion of getting to spend her 30th birthday with her, as she did with me, in another world...  <3 you to the moon and back, in all your real, raw, and blunt Germaness :) 

Photo Credits: First one, me in Sai Kung Beach in the South China Sea, nearby Hong Kong. Second one, Ute, in El Nido, Philippines, just before the sunset and the algae lit up the water with its iridescent stars.  Here's to many more swims together after the age when we learn to stop giving a ... well, you know.